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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28579776">The Battle of the Mancave (part 1)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/nosefIower/pseuds/nosefIower'>nosefIower</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>The Croods: Misadventures of the Betterman Farm Season 1 [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Dawn of the Croods (TV), The Croods (Movies), The Croods: A New Age (Movies)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Action/Adventure, Adventure, Adventure &amp; Romance, Comedy, F/M, Funny, Gen, Humor, Romantic Comedy, Sitcom, Spoilers</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 05:15:33</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,969</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28579776</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/nosefIower/pseuds/nosefIower</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The Croods: Misadventures of the Betterman Farm</p>
<p>Season 1</p>
<p>Episode 1: The Battle of the Mancave (part 1)</p>
<p>Still mad about finding out about Phil Betterman's secret mancave, Hope Betterman attempts to get back at him by creating a Thunder Sister Cave and brings the rest of the pack into their feud</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Banana Bros (The Croods), Eep/Guy (The Croods), Grug/Ugga (The Croods), Phil/Grug (The Croods), Phil/Hope (The Croods)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>The Croods: Misadventures of the Betterman Farm Season 1 [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2094084</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>47</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The Battle of the Mancave (part 1)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“It’s still hot,” Grug said as he once again sat in the mancave with Phil. This time with the latest addition to the banana bro brotherhood - Guy</p>
<p>“Grug we can talk about heat all day or do you want to talk about something really cool?” Phil inquired</p>
<p>“Well...what is there to talk about?” Guy asked</p>
<p>“Guy, son...the point of the man cave is not what we do...it’s about what Ms.Bet- I mean the women...and Thunk... think we do in here,” Phil responded</p>
<p>“Where <em>is</em> Thunk?” Guy asked suddenly realizing the obvious absence of Eep’s brother</p>
<p>“The birds are on,” Grug answered</p>
<p>“Another shark milk Guy? A refill on yours Gruggers?” Phil said as he poured another spoonful of water over the heated rocks that filled the man cave with mist</p>
<p>“I’m fine thanks,” Guy said</p>
<p>“I’ll have another one...bro,” Grug said as Phil passed him another coconut shell bowl</p>
<p>A moment of silence passed as the three sweaty men sipped on their shark milk glancing back and forth at each other.</p>
<p>Another silent moment passed.</p>
<p>And another.</p>
<p>“So…” Phil chimed in breaking the silence “anyone have any problems?” but then began to answer his own question a bit to quickly, “I for one think Ms.-”</p>
<p>“Well,” Guy started at the same time, “I was thinking about what to get Eep for our 7 moonniver-”</p>
<p>“We’re not talking about that” Grug interrupted “I actually was up all night thinking about...an idea…”</p>
<p>“AN IDEA!?” Phil and Guy questioned in unison</p>
<p>“Yes.” Grug stated with a huff “Cavemen have ideas too...Phil, I was thinking...shark milk and bananas are great...but what if we combined them?”</p>
<p>“Grug, are you saying what I think you’re saying?” Phil said in a hopeful tone, “that is truly a brilliant idea!”</p>
<p>“Oh no…” Guy hushed under his breath</p>
<p>The two banana bros gazed into each others eyes as if a connection unbeknownst to the logic of cave-mankind was shared between them - a connection that exceeded logical explanation</p>
<p>“BRONANA SHARK MILK!” they chanted together</p>
<p>“This is gonna be a long hour in the man cave” Guy whispered to Belt who was wrapped around his waist despite having no pants to keep up.</p>
<p>“Dun dun dun?” he asked</p>
<p>“I concur,” Guy answered.</p>
<p>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p>
<p>“Hey Ugga,” Hope chimed as she stumbled upon her fellow thunder sister in the garden “have you seen Phil? He disappeared about an hour ago,”</p>
<p>“Haven’t seen him,” Ugga said, tossing some of Sandy’s lunch scraps into the compost bin.</p>
<p>“Ugh, he’s probably in that stupid secret mancave,” Hope said scowling</p>
<p>“Grug must be with him too then, I haven’t seen him since the chickenseal crowed” Ugga informed but Hope didn’t seem to notice</p>
<p>“I mean what even is so good about a mancave?” Hope continued</p>
<p>“Mancave problems?!” Gran barged in “Well in my day we didn’t have man cave problems because we didn’t have any m-”</p>
<p>“Yes, yes, we know gran, we can save the stories for the bonding fire later this week,” Hope said in an oddly cheery tone breaking her spite for a moment. She has actually grown fond of the crazy lady’s thunder sister tales</p>
<p>“I haven’t seen Guy around either - do you think he’s with Phil?” Ugga asked</p>
<p>Suddenly Eep fell from the sky and landed like a cat on all fours, “did you say Guy was with them?” she asked</p>
<p>Dawn followed suit by falling from the sky and Eep caught her, “Guy is with dad and Grug in the mancave?” Dawn asked as she landed in Eep’s arms</p>
<p>Ugga and Hope looked at each other and then back at the two girls who had just fallen from who knows where</p>
<p>“Oh we were just practicing our tree climbing!” Dawn chimed, “Eep’s been teaching me, I think I’m getting better! I only slipped a few times today!”</p>
<p>Hope looked at her beaming daughter and then back at Eep</p>
<p>“Oh don’t worry Ms.Betterman, I caught her each time” Eep assured</p>
<p>Hope had a concerned look on her face but simply said “I’m glad you’re having fun...dear” between pursed lips</p>
<p>“It’s good for the girls to be practicing survival skills,” Ugga began trying to reassure Hope, “ back in my old pack…-”</p>
<p>“We can save the tales of yore for later -” Hope cut in “we have a more pressing matter...<em>this</em> man cave”</p>
<p>“What <em>is</em> there to do about the man cave?” Ugga started “It’s good to see Grug and Phil spending time together...</p>
<p>“And Guy,” Eep commented but no one seemed to hear her</p>
<p>“ ...just like how we spend time together,” Ugga continued</p>
<p>“Wait - Ugga, are you saying what I think you’re saying” Hope said in a tone that meant she had an idea brewing like fresh bitter bean juice</p>
<p>“No,” Ugga responded dryly knowing the Bettermans had a bad habit of trying to make their ideas seem like they were someone else’s</p>
<p>But Hope was already deep in thought, “if we had-”</p>
<p>“A way! The thunder sisters always find a way” Gran shouted</p>
<p>“Exactly!” Hope squealed with a bit too much enthusiasm, “We make a thunder sister cave!” she concluded almost melodically</p>
<p>“But won’t that take a while?” Dawn questioned, “It took Dad over a moon cycle to make his man cave,”</p>
<p>“You <em>knew</em> about the mancave?” Hope furrowed her brows and leaned into Dawn</p>
<p>“Uhhh kinda... I mean I kinda figured it out” Dawn fumbled, “like he tried to cover it up, saying it was a new feature for the chicken seals because privacy promotes-”</p>
<p>“Enough about that-” Hope said with a fire in her eyes “the thunder sister cave doesn’t have to be an actual place, we just have to make them think it’s a place then the men won’t be the only ones with a cool sounding cave” she continued by mumbling to herself, “Mr.Betterman thinks he can get away from me in a dumb room made of...rocks...and - and water” then she raised her voice to call out, “Come on sistas!” as she ran towards Chunky, “it’s time for a ride on the death cat!”</p>
<p>The rest of the thunder sisters seemed unconvinced by Hope’s plan but the pack stays together so they all climbed onto Chunky begrudgingly - except for Dawn who was beaming - she had come to love any opportunity to go for a joy ride</p>
<p>“Woo woo!” Sandy howled as all the thunder sisters climbed aboard the death cat and rode into the wild.</p>
<p>As they left there was one trailing question in the air</p>
<p>“Hey mom, where’s Thunk? Eep asked</p>
<p>“Oh you know how he loves his window time” her mom answered</p>
<p>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p>
<p>“Well I would indeed say that was a particularly great past hour in the mancave wouldn’t you Guy?” Phil asked rhetorically “ I mean there’s so much banana bro-ing we could’ve been doing - that we didn’t - that Ms.Better- I mean the women would suspect we were doing - because we spent so much time out of their sight today…” Phil said proudly as he walked towards the lifterator to the treehouse - all the while leading the way with the squeaking of his flip flops</p>
<p>“Mr. Betterman-” Guy started, “I’m still not sure I get the point of the mancave, what are we doing this for - with the sweat - and the heat,”</p>
<p>“Oh Guy - son, I now you’re a newlywed but one day you’ll understand the gift of the mancave,” Phil said in a tone that attempted to be reassuring</p>
<p>Guy looked down at belt and they both shrugged</p>
<p>Phil continued his proud march forward, giving enough distance between him and his banana bros for Grug to say to Guy “yeah, I don’t really get it either,” without Phil noticing “I think this is about Hope still being mad when I revealed Phil’s man cave - right before we got captured by punch monkeys that is”</p>
<p>“Yeah” Guy agreed - “all I could think about in the mancave was Eep,”</p>
<p>Grug put his hand on Guy’s shoulder in a rare moment of bonding between the two “and I couldn’t wait to get out and see Ugga, but we can’t do that from here so let’s get back to that tree house,” he said gesturing softly towards the lifterator</p>
<p>When the banana bros arrived at the dining room the women were nowhere to be found - “well,” Phil said “it’s still a few minutes before dinner - Grug you and I can make that bronana shark milk we were talking about,”</p>
<p>So Phil went off to grab a bushel of bananas and began mulling them as Grug put on an apron and grabbed a gem pitcher of shark milk and leftover bronana bread from last night</p>
<p>“Oooh leftovers” Guy whispered, taking the bronana bread from Grug and setting the table. Guy sat at the dining table watching the overly-zealous-about-bananas brothers gaze into each others eyes in a way even the cosmos could not define as Phil mulled the bananas and Grug slowly poured the shark milk into the banana mixture as Phil slowly whisked the two ingredients together as Grug grabbed some glasses from the cupboards as Phil gently poured their newfound bronana shark milk creation into the glasses as the two bros each took a glass, clinked glasses, and drank.</p>
<p>“Grug my man,” Phil said putting his hand around Grug “I think you and me have a long line of bronana recipes, waiting to be thought of - this bronana shark milk is just the beginning,”</p>
<p>“Naw,” Grug said as his cheeks turned slightly red, “You really think so...bro?”</p>
<p>“Indeed Gruggers” Phil responded and after a slight moment he continued with “now... where are the women?”</p>
<p>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p>
<p>“Okay let’s get our story clear...” Hope said as the thunder sisters made their way back to the treehouse on Chunky. Hope continued her notes to herself as Eep leaned in towards Dawn</p>
<p>“Hey sister sunset,” she whispered</p>
<p>“Yeah fireheart?” Dawn whispered back in an equally confused tone that was shared among the women who had just spent the past 2 hours roaming aimlessly in the wild listening to Hope’s fictional stories of what the hypothetical thunder sister cave should be and what the thunder sisters hypothetically did during their hypothetical time away from the literal treehouse.</p>
<p>“I think this is about your mom still being mad about my dad revealing the man cave...” Eep whispered</p>
<p>“yeah...I think we’ve all been thinking the same thing,” Dawn responded</p>
<p>“Man, and I thought Grug would never shut up,” Gran hushed under her breath tipping her chin towards Hope</p>
<p>“Really mom, now?” Ugga hushed</p>
<p>But Hope didn’t seem to notice. They had arrived back at the treehouse and she marched proudly towards the lifeterator with the squeak of her sandals guiding the others down the path</p>
<p>“This isn’t going to be good,” Eep thought<br/>
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------<br/>
“Well this isn’t going to be good,” Guy thought as he saw Ms.Betterman walk in with her sandals flip flopping loudly<br/>
“Oh honey!” Phil said “How great of you to finally join us...so late,” putting an emphasis on ‘late’</p>
<p>“Oh? Am I late? I hadn’t noticed” Hope responded in a tone that clearly meant she had noticed</p>
<p>“Oh really?” Phil said and then paused “ Well Grug and I have been working on a new recipe in the mancave we call bronana shark milk - tell ‘em Grug”</p>
<p>“Uhhhh...it’s called bronana shark milk,” Grug contributed with a slight tinge of uncertainty</p>
<p>“Precisely!” Phil chimed as he passed out glasses to every seat at the table, by which point the rest of the women had arrived and taken a seat.</p>
<p>“Hey,” Guy said upon seeing Eep</p>
<p>“Hey you right back,” she said</p>
<p>“Ugga! What was that really funny thing you told us sisters... back at...the thunder sister cave?” Hope asked beginning her side of the retorts towards Phil</p>
<p>“Uhhhhh…that we-” Ugga began but Phil quickly interrupted</p>
<p>“Did you say thunder sister <em>cave</em>?” he interrogated, “what’s a thunder sister cave?”</p>
<p>“Oh, just a place <em>I</em> - I mean <em>we</em> sisters go to get away,” Hope said almost too matter-of-factly as if she had rehearsed the line in her head for the past 2 hours while roaming the wild on a death cat</p>
<p>“Get away from what?” Phil asked slightly hurt and almost sputtering</p>
<p>“Probably from you,” Grug said quietly twiddling his thumbs while seated next to his bro</p>
<p>“What?!” Phil sputtered</p>
<p>“We were all thinking it,” Gran interjected</p>
<p>Then planning his next move Phil said, “Well Grug - what was that idea you shared with me back at the <em>mancave</em>?”</p>
<p>“Uhhh bronana shark milk?” Grug said hesitantly</p>
<p>“No the other one,” Phil snapped</p>
<p>“Other one?” Grug asked confused</p>
<p>“Well Gran - why don’t you tell everyone that story from your old tribe? Just like you told it back at the <em>thunder sister</em> cave,” Hope chimed furrowing her brows at Phil</p>
<p>“True stories!” Gran began “In the days of Wigasus-!”</p>
<p>Phil thudded his bronana shark milk on the table “Well Guy was telling me in the <em>MAN</em>cave that we should install another waterfall feature isn’t that right Guy? Guy?” Phil rebuked glaring at Hope</p>
<p>“In the morning we should go and pick some flowers for our hut,” Guy was saying completely distracted by his wife’s presence</p>
<p>“When Wigasus was young and I was young!” Gran continued</p>
<p>“Well, our <em>THUNDA SISTA</em> cave has an even <em>better</em> waterfall feature,” Hope stated nonchalantly</p>
<p>“Did you say <em>better</em>?” Phil inquired</p>
<p>“Emphasis on the better” Hope stated in a way that enforced she clearly meant to put an emphasis on the better</p>
<p>“When I was the queen matriarch of a warrior tribe of Womens!” Gran continued</p>
<p>“They’re not gonna stop arguing are they?” Ugga whispered to Grug</p>
<p>“Nope, let’s just grab some bronana bread and go,” Grug whispered back and the the two scurried off</p>
<p>“Why Hope WHY?!” Phil cried</p>
<p>“Because privacy promotes individuality! Unofficial motto,” Hope yelled back in a tone that seemed to relish in the fact that she could use that line back at Phil</p>
<p>“And then we can find some tablets and paint butterflies on them,” Guy continued to Eep</p>
<p>“Wigasus - you still got some fight in you old girl?” Gran asked placing her hair on the table which perked Sandy up as she began chasing her newfound friend around the dinner table as Gran laughed maniacally</p>
<p>At that moment Thunk walked in which made the room go silent for a moment, “hi everyone,” he said grabbing the flower arrangements on the dinner table “bye everyone,” he said retreating back to the window and the commotion continued</p>
<p>“You know what else our cave has Phil?!” Hope queried hands scrunched into fist</p>
<p>“Enlighten me” Phil said waving his arm as if inviting the answer, “there’s nothing your cave can possibly have that’ll shock me,”</p>
<p>“Flowers and soft rain,” Hope said leaning back in her chair and sipping her shark milk</p>
<p>Phil nearly spit out his drink upon hearing that</p>
<p>“And then I was thinking we can have a picnic right by the sweet babbling brook,” Guy continued to Eep</p>
<p>“Ooh! what’s a picnic?” she asked</p>
<p>“It’s when you go someplace with a basket full of food you didn’t have to hunt for,” he answered</p>
<p>“That does sound amazing!” Eep squealed wide-eyed at the newness of the idea</p>
<p>“Well your cave doesn’t have bronana shark milk” Phil remarked with a pitch that almost indicated this remark was a final effort</p>
<p>“It’s just shark milk Phil,” Hope said rolling her eyes</p>
<p>“Just shark milk, just shark milk she says! That was Grug’s one idea!” Phil said getting up from the table and running out of the room with the trailing sound of his flip flops</p>
<p>“Hey, have you seen Dawn?” Guy asked Eep</p>
<p>“Oh, she snuck into the panic cubby when her parents started arguing, she’ll be fine,” Eep said</p>
<p>“Panic cubby? My baby!” Phil yelled running back into the room to open the panic cubby and let his daughter out, “oh forgive your mother’s condescension Dawn, what have we done to you?!” he said between tears and hugging his daughter for a moment, then grabbing her hand to run out of the dining room once again “This isn’t over!” Phil weeped over the chaos as he went down the lifterator</p>
<p>“I’m glad <em>this</em> isn’t over” Guy said taking Eep’s hand and still bubbling at her presence in their own private conversation right next to the family chaos of untouched leftover bronana bread and gran’s hair running around the table as Sandy chased it</p>
<p>“Hey,” Eep began</p>
<p>“Hey what?” Guy answered</p>
<p>“Hey, you want to get out of here and go ‘hey’ somewhere else?”</p>
<p>“I do”</p>
<p>“Then hop on”, Eep said and Guy got on Eep gator-piggy back style and held on for dear life as Eep jumped out the window and climbed down the tree.</p>
<p>They heard the faint sounds of Phil’s sobs over the dinner argument continue as they walked back to their hut.</p>
<p>“Trust me I’m okay dad,” the wind carried Dawn’s reassurance to her father, “I think this is something you need to work out with mom,”</p>
<p>“Dawn, please try to understand…” Phil remarked, “this is your mom’s fault,”</p>
<p>“Uhhh…” Dawn began hesitantly, “I’m not so sure about that dad…”</p>
<p>“She’s with me!” Hope yelled down from a higher branch</p>
<p>“Uhhh, I wouldn’t say that either mom,” Dawn said in a high pitch caught right between the crossfire of her parent’s feud</p>
<p>The wind carried one last echo in a voice that sounded peculiarly like Phil Betterman, “This isn’t over Hope - look upon Phil Betterman the navigator and despair! I will find that thunder sister cave!”</p>
<p>“What do you even do in the mancave ?” Eep asked Guy</p>
<p>“We’re pretty much just nude and talking” Guy answered</p>
<p>Eep was humored at the thought, “That doesn’t sound too unfamiliar,” </p>
<p>
  <strong>To be continued...</strong>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you for reading ! I had a lot of fun trying to tap into how funnily dysfunctional this family can be and hope to continue this series :) If you have any story ideas you'd like to see me write - feel free to suggest them in the comments !</p></blockquote></div></div>
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